when people say theyve been sober for however many years is that like couple beers not drunk sober, or no drinking sober?
I woke up covered in my own vomit with a pocket full of napkins. I guess I knew I would need them, but was not coherent enough to use them before passing out.
How does, "Im sorry I was such an intoxicated bitch, I didn't mean anything I said" sound as an apology.
dude we gotta go shopping. I made pancakes this afternoon and used them as sandwich bread.
No. untill you have done a puke that contains nothing but semen and tequila, you do not 'feel my pain'
Maybe if i steal enough bar glasses i can justify all the money spent i've spent there
he tried to breastfeed my turtle
I wanna throw up and cum in that order
I tackled a mailbox like a linebacker. He almost broke his hip and his friend lit a bottle rocket off inside of the car. Yes it was a successful night.
I just lit a candle in my room using axe and a lighter, that's how bored I am. Let's get schwasted.
Well it's official... The first guy I ever gave head to now holds 2 world records. Should I text him asking if I can try and break my record?
I work 80 hours a week to prevent myself from just laying in bed and masturbating all day. It's a hands off strategy.
YOU CAN'T GET A TATTOO BECAUSE OF KPOP FANFICTION. THAT'S NOT HOW LIFE WORKS
At one point she put on my dads pants and yelled after him EMILIOOOO! Dude, my dads name is Mark.
How weird is it that 2 people I've had sex with have the same birthday and they don't even know each other
Randomize
