You ever start fucking a girl and realize she kinda looks like your mom?
Her parents hate her and she's on like major lockdown. All her friends are in jail and she has massive pit stains. Dude... It doesn't get much worse than that.
I just drank Colt45 out of a champagne glass. I feel classy.
Colt 45 out of anything is classy.
So I think I just got a job offer from the guy I used to blow. See, networking pays off.
just found a carrot inside of a baby sock. living with toddlers is like living with tiny hammered people.
dream priorities were more important than voting today. don't tell me you wouldn't keep going back to sleep to find out who would win a fight between oprah and godzilla
you started putting condoms on anything with a point, then you were yelling at the lamp for using your last condom...
You're just horny.
Yea, and? I appreciate you as a person too if that helps.
Daquari drive throughs 24 hours a day. LORD HAVE MERCY
Where the royal fuck are you??
The depths of vodka hell.
I really hope your new roommate never finds out we had a threesome with a bisexual British guy in his room the night before he moved in.
Whiskey and an unstable home life is apparently the fountain that 20-something boys like to drink from.
Omg. The news was on TV while I was giving him a bj...when the weatherman said its a beautiful start to December, he groaned and said it sure is.
Yes, yes I will fake crap in his house for you.
How many ballsacks did you see last night because I saw eight
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