it seems as if every mistake i've ever made in life i've had an errection in one hand and a bud light in the other
quick I need to know all the foods that the very hungry caterpillar ate
He kissed a someone with a penis
my girls lil sis wanted to play hide & seek. she told her 2 go hide. we went to the room and had sex. she was hiding under the bed.
I walk in to see her roommate half naked on their stripper pole. I knew I was home.
mom just texted me "hawaii ambien". those are like the two things she talks about to keep me interested in spending time with her.
Is today national text-a-girl-whose-had-your-dick-in-her-mouth day and I just wasn't aware?? I am getting the most random "just saying hey" texts ever and that's the only common denominator.
just reminessing about the wedding and were they seriously to tight to serve a meal oorrrrrr was it just another one of my black-out-by-dinner drunks
the fact that you actualy have a 'black-out-by-dinner drunk' is a bit deserving..
I spent the whole weekend building houses out of popsicle sticks for my bowls. How was your weekend?
Ok I'm good with that cause I'm gonna disappear for 90 days
Are you goin to rehab again?
Dropping the entire last roll of TP into the toilet is a hurt you don't want to know.
The funny part was that the cop pulled us over cause the park was closed, not because I had just come up from giving the guy a blowjob when the cop drove by.
I'm at that point in my life where stripping isn't the worst thing I would do for money
Van sex tonight? No need to tell me how classy that sounded.
tonight's safe word is brought to you by the phrase "Ahhhhhh"
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