My farts woke her up so I pretended to be keep sleeping.
I wish i could clap on, clap off my penis
masturbating is 5million times harder to finish knowing grandma is in the guestroom downstairs. just so you know.
Just accidentally pinched my dick between two 50 pound dumbbells while doing shoulder shrugs. God hates me.
I think I ruined Robin and Mikes anniversary. I walked in on them fucking, accidentally broke the necklace he gave her, and I stole the keg from their party. Not in that order
So the name of the kid from the sponsor a child comercial popped into my head while I was masturbating this morning. Needless to say I will now be now be donating out of guilt.
Oh, and also, a couple of straight girls showed up. But they ran away.
She's crying about either her ex boyfriend, her one night stand, or her own puke. None of those is worth the tears.
I would have been the big man on campus...just flop my wang out on the table and how them what they were gonna deal with if they dropped the soap
Watched an eagle swoop down and eat a rabbit on my walk back from your place, literally too high to handle this right now
So please don't worry, but I need some help getting blood out of my drywall so I can get my security deposit back. I would not ask if the need was not great.
My potted cactus died. I am literally less nurturing than the desert.
he's like crack. I can't be in the same room with him while drunk and not do him.
The night took a wrong turn after I found you smoking a blunt with a midget behind the bar...
He punched me in the face while giving him road head, because he was driving stick. I shit you not.
Randomize
