im drinking this country out of the recession.
I'm pretty sure a girl doesn't give it up with a reverse cow girl...
There is a homeless man handing out free beer on the city bus. He has a cooler and everything. I love this trashy yet generous city.
I vaguely remember having a 'grass is greener' conversation about our nipples. Dream or beautiful reality?
Beautiful, beautiful reality
And I just had to awkwardly tell 3 police officers that I was having sex and not in any trouble
So take that alcohol. I still win. I ALWAYS WIN. Plus i didn't have to wear clothes. DOUBLE WIN.
I'm definitely going to class still drunk right now and the freshman dressed as Hugh Heffner last night is texting me. I can't handle this.
Speaking of fellatio on fictional characters, the Stay Puft Marshmallow Man would be a delicious blowjob.
Opened the apartment door and the smell of sex and weed literally slapped me across the face. Kudos.
I know I come to this conclusion on a fairly regular basis but I really do need a babysitter
too bad burritos don't cuddle back
I've lost every trace of self esteem. Even sneaking a BJ in the coffee room has lost it's luster.
Drunk is not a location!
I have post one night stand depression
Yes I’m serious. I just worked YOUR 12 hour shift on 3 hours of sleep if you come over without tacos and an ice cream cake in hand we are done
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