Solid performance last night. Wanna be fuck buddies?
Dude ... paraplegic porn is really creative..
You know how I know he's a virgin? He's wearing transition lenses.
You hooked up with 4 random girls, avoided your grilfriend finding out about it, and dodged traffic on Park Ave. Can you say luck of the Irish?
I told her I had the flu when in reality I did way too many drugs last night, haven't slept and don't want to sit through a 3 hour buisness meeting trying to figure out which voices are real and which are in my head
she didnt realize that i was putting on the same condom i used the night before with some other girl
You were talking about masturbating on the phone then said you had to go because golden girls was on then you called me back saying you seen that episode already.
I'm not entirely sure what happened last night, but I think I dislocated my kneecap during an epic Mario Kart battle...
You can't text people with drinkers' regret at 8 in the morning. It's just bad form.
I saw that you sent me a photo and the first thing out of my mouth was "I swear if it's another photo of a dick poking out of a bubble bath"
fuck that its my house. if i want to take 1 bite out of the chicken & leave the rest i fucking will. suck my dick
Is it festive if I masturbate to Santa porn?
The porch is breathing.
STAY OUT OF MY SHROOMS YOU CUNT
like I licked Molly off a boys palm last night at a bar I think its ok to eat chicken once a week
I was so high last night that at one point I kept licking his neck saying he tasted like soap and truffles.
Randomize
