i just realized that we are the poor version of bethenny and jill from real housewives... and I'm jill. this is a 6.5 on the depressing scale
at least we're not in new jersey
How long do you need to date somebody until it is acceptable to fart in their presence?
The real question is how long do you need to date them to dutch oven them?
I was happy to be the center of attention..until i realized why everyone was staring
My student's should feel privledged to see me tuesday after the amount of alcohol I consumed this weekend.
It really ruins the moment when you have to ask to resend the nude pics.
Hickey on my chest, threw out my elbow and now walking out my shame.
Youre getting too old for this
You are mentally unprepared to be exposed to my degree of perversion.
I mean looking back on it, it's unlucky but at least now we can say we were in jail from 2011 to 2012
That's thinking positively..
It's 11am on 4/20 and I'm already in urgent care.
When you and that girl went into the bedroom, you yelled "FOR NARNIA!"
Laying on a pile of just out of the dryer clothes because this is NOT real life.
You've never really lived until you tell someone you have an STD over snap chat.
You know if we weren't hooking up I think we'd actually be friends
The irony of the fact that I'm going to be starting my period on Thanksgiving. Something to truly be thankful for.
You spilt a drink on my couch, then used my dog to mop it up... you called her a mop dog, repeatedly
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