you didnt say anything until i brought it up today. i guess i misjudged your maturity.
I guess I misjudged your gender.
If it looks like I didn't change from last night, it's because I didn't.
i have a $600 bill for my ER visit in which they did nothing but suggest to me that i am an alcoholic.
mom and dad sent me an easter basket full of beer pong supplies again.
This could be one of the worst things i've done... The background of her phone is her and her boyfriend.
just stole 2 cases of forties from some freshman in the woods by pretending to be a cop. that ten dollar spotlight is really turning a profit
Do your friends by chance have our inflatable deer head?
Nevermind, it's in the dryer.
Saw on the news tonight that Hamilton county's syphilis rate is 9x the national average...use protection!
Thanks, mom.
I'm taking a new approach to homewrecking... for science. Or I totally would. I have to see what happens between my ex & his brother when he finds out.
She kept sniffing my sweater and tried to guess what type of detergent I use.
this whole "benign brain tumor" is truly a blessing in disguise. I almost want to start bringing MRIs to the bar because sympathy pussy is flowing like the nile
I came so hard I went blind for a few seconds.
Did I penguin dive down a hill last night?
We've been taking shots, cranking Marilyn Manson, and eating your bacon. Your kid is probably ruined.
i had sex with a girl named after a fruit last night and it was the best thing to happen to me in 2020
Randomize
