Hey, It's Lauren. i wanted to talk to you tonight. I like you, as you know because kyle told you. I was wondering if you liked me too?
Are you in the third fucking grade? Check yes or no.
I just found a dead bug in my nose. if that's the worst thing up there im considdering myself lucky.
Don't know whats worst me sharding on her a bit or her believing me when i told her she did it...
I thought the fact that I took home a 42 year old with 3 kids would excuse my tardiness this morning because my boss is also 42 and has 3 kids. Boy was I wrong.
They made my facebook status "I got my period!!!." Every guy I've had sex with at college liked it.
Wish you were here....
And I wish your mouth was around my cock, but that never happens, does it?
We stole your phone last night, texted your brother and told him you wanted it up the ass by him. All he said was "I want ur money."
it's official, i know exactly what cross streets we're at by the bumps when i give him road head
"too many" and "free shots" never belong in the same sentence
he just texted me saying he needs a place to stay for the night. pretty sure i just got booty called to my own house...
im currently assessing the tequila situation in preparation of your arrival
Immediately after I scarfed down an Applebee's appetizer trio for lunch, my boss sent me on an hour long road trip to pick up some parts. Great. I can't wait to shit my pants on US-31 South.
We've had gay sex and pie, the holiday season has officially begun.
Fuck. I did it again. I plugged in my toaster and walked away thinking it needed to preheat. I am dumb.
don't take offense to this but at the strip club tonight I legit believed one girl was you. almost hopped on stage and freaked out at you. you're a beauty.
Randomize
