She's perfect. Funny, gorgeous, 3 tats, been through a lot, bright. I'm in love.
If I come over right now will you promise to distract your grandpa in the morning so I don't have to do the walk if shame with 1940's style judgement?
the only compliment i could think of for this chick was that she looked 'moderately attractive'
She was the shot vending machine at the party. But free.
Hey man, I found your crocs and your visor in the road. Got em for you.
4:37 am. You're wearing underwear and carpet skates. Borderline crying. You want to punch Morgan. Have not stopped singing Give Your Heart a Break.
I woke up tied to my bed while she was in the corner staring at me while eating cereal. Interesting night!
does doing it on an automatic sink count as shower sex?
...there was a woman in the stall next to me in the Walmart bathroom having a massive bowl movement and whispering "I'm sorry" over and over
At the end of the night i was really thirsty and tied to a bedpost
Check snapchat. Selfie game still on point mid vomit.
We are making a pool on how long he stays sober this time you want in?
When you wake up on the bus on 139th but you're staying at 6th
133 to go
Anyone who does not consider cereal and wine as a balanced breakfast needs to leave immediately.
Do you think it would be weird to wear a shirt that says 'big fun small package' from an ex for a first date?
Randomize
