At first I felt shameful, waking up naked next to a box of oreos and half a can of cake frosting...then I realized, this could be a bigger discovery than Atlantis.
Just donated money to a kid for her softball team.
Obviously I'm trying to futher our next generation of lesbians. I may be hitting on her at the gay bar in ten years...
i have to get rid of the hedgehog.
Does it come with a cage?
yes. and food and toys.
i'll trade you an 8th for it
deal.
That chick needs a catscan. And fuck it, we're still ordering in a stripper
Did you get your crutches off the street sign?
Wait, you seriously DON'T keep vodka in your backpack??!??!?
I am never going on a blind date ever again. He drank way too much and kept telling me I had a nice boob. Like.. Singular. What's the other one? The ugly twin?
I believe I can fly has to be one of the most inspirational songs of our time. Seriously R. Kelly nailed it
Then he went and peed on those teenagers.
He sat next to me, put his arm around me, yelled at his girlfriend that he was breaking up with her, and told me I'm his little pet for the night.
Say whatever you bloody well like; you don't know the true meaning of life until you have smoked to a Sade cd.
Worst date ever. Bro she asked when we can start having kids because her clock was ticking.
Run dude. Just run
I just watched an intern spill two trays of coffee inside a spinning door
Best exit from a building ever
I heard Enya coming from steve’s room. I am too high to handle this sudden depth of character
I'm alone, 3 beers in, and cutting tshirts into belly tops.
Adulthood is putting your bongs in the dishwasher because you're too lazy to clean them manually.
Are you ok dude?
Randomize
