it was the worst sex ever in the history of sex. i mean ever. and he thought he was great. actually told me he was the best id ever had...what was i supposed to say? lol...i've had better times by myself. seriously.
Houston.. we have a drinking problem..
you lied vaginas dont taste like gold fish!
noo i said youre golden if her vagina tastes like fish!
She wouldn't stop telling me the story of the penis and how she got laid.
you mean i was at the winter classic?
well at least you didnt have sex with him. i feel like a proud mother. you always have sex with them.
I just couldn't help myself when there was a FOUNTAIN OF SHOTS
This is working out surprisingly well considering it started out with us using a christmas tree as a battering ram
drunken yoga. on the beach. senior week. you have been chosen <3
Tried to eat a sandwich this morning. Couldn't. My jaw is locked up. These marathon blow jobs are killing me
halloween is the only time that anne boleyn, the joker, a cowgirl, and a mexican man complete with sombrero and poncho can all hit the same blunt
It's snowing in May and there was a law school party at the strip club. The end is near.
I really hope you didn't eat the bowl of melted vanilla ice cream I left on the coffee table. Because it is not melted vanilla ice cream.
But what we lack in money, we make up for in dry humor and drugs
You know what would have been funny if we got arrested last night? The inventory search of the lock box:\n\nContents:\n1 work ID\n1 33 round Glock magazine\n1 set of keys\n1 vibrator\n2 bags fruit snacks\n1 parking hang tag
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