we should start having sex in the shower. less clean up.
Just made ouyt with a dude on the real wporld...I said I dont want my face blired out
Alex, there's no such thing as a fancy sex store.
Can you please tell me why there's a bottle of urine on my night stand with a note that says "in case you're thirsty in the morning"? Thanks.
my sister and i are watching a movie and pregaming together. and by pregaming i mean shes not drinking since she 14 and im drinking alone.
The only way I could get him to agree to hook up with her is telling him I'd hook up with him next week.
Last night: Repeatedly yelled about how the fishbowl tasted like blue, stole a stranger's hat, hugged the DJ for playing my request, made out with my roommate, and abandoned the guy I dragged to the club in the first place
This morning: Hat doesn't fit, hangover headache is blue, and I can't move without getting lightheaded
Listen when they tell you not to drink after giving blood
Wait, is this the kid that tried catching a bat in your backyard with a flashlight and a ball of tin foil?
I woke up spooning with a broom that someone taped a mustache too..i need to stop starting my nights by drinking "hangover" wine.
Well since your going through her phone..look man she loves you..she just loves my dick more
So, seriously. How does it feel to know that you're riding a cock that was in kindergarten when you were going to prom?
I found my spirit animal in the shower. It's a sloth/bear that lives in my chest.
my experiences serve only to benefit you young virgin
Currently watching high school football on ESPN. Drink every time they say 'this kid's got potential' or 'look at this kid go' or 'atta kid' We're done for..
Just got an email from match.com trying to match me with My ex..I nearly pissed myself laughing
Randomize
