Drinking mikes hard & watching the swan princess. i fucking LOVE college
She has her iPod in her ears slippers and sweats on and is walking around the house up and down the stairs getting "exercise" she just stopped for a water break
"Hung over, tired and having a faint scent of some body butter and random pieces of glitter from a girl named gigi, almost arrested in drug bust, $40 Canadian in my pocket and all i got was this lousy Tshirt" shirts dont exist, but they need to
I'm going to make him fall in love with me one blow job at a time.
She just rubbed her face all over pool chalk. I feel like it's time to go
Getting up is taking longer than anticipated. Alcoholic fish bowls have made getting out of bed a multitstep process.
I can't wait for paintbang. I'm going to throw a marker at a child. There will be bail money in my backpack in m trunk. Don't use it on beer.
I'm bringing vagina and cookies. You'll be fine.
Bad news. I baked you a cake and one of my fingernails is missing.
They sat me on college avenue with a puke bucket and people were mistakenly throwing change in it. Got me enough money take a cab back to my apartment.
he made a bon jovi sex playlist and started crying when "i'll be there" came on... how was your night?
Don't matter if she's straight, I'll get her. I'm not called The Transformer for nothing
If I had a mugshot, I would totally use it as my main picture on Tinder, just to keep it interesting.
He said he didnt want to choke me, I said im sorry thats a deal breaker.
High school drama coach is wasted and wanted me to tell you that I’m good at flip cup and you should be very proud of me
Where the hell are you
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