get your tongue out of his mouth and answer your phone. if your not doing more than making out i'm gonna be so pissed. i'm about to sleep in your car bitch
I'm destined to be knocked up by a sailor
He compared my vagina to the first time he tried cocaine
Jon thought he was that blonde chick from Three's Company when he was shrooming
Were playing bathroom attendees at the party and making people wash their hands
i made a dollar
One of my students in my 8am class brought me a Tim Hortons cup with a bloody Mary in it. Clearly, I didn't manage to look not drunk when I ran into him at Denny's at 4am. Who decided to let me teach?
You screamed "there will be blood" and punched some random guy in the face. So no, we can't go back to that bar.
Woke up with two different flip flops on sum burnt at the beach. Who are these French kids plz come back
Well she got high, deleted the essay she was working on, and then ordered dominos. We all manage stress in different ways.
Then he kissed my hand sensually and said "you're a Black Queen. Don't let anyone tell you different."
My Sexting was not on an AP level
I'm super depressed and stressed and I just want spaghetti and sex...
You ever fart so bad at work that you think about taking a sick day just to spare your coworkers from the savage olfactory beating they are about to receive?
I'm pretty sure my calc professer is on coke. He's just too excited for this to be an 8am class.
Omfg I just White Claw shamed a Girl Scout Cookie mom and I feel SO BAD.
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