He lasted like 30 seconds. With a condom. I just expected more from the president of a frat.
she said "lets play dickbreaker!" and then threw my blackberry at my dick as hard as she could.
I had forgotten what it was like to go to all four classes. It's exhausting.
Just got a lapdance on the metro. She said she was on maternity leave and needed the practice.
I ended up staying at a police station for being a witness in a public masturbation case..NOW do you believe me that I've never had a good St. Patrick's Day?
i'm gonna fuck his crew, i'm gonna wax my asshole. i'm gonna make them all cry tears of sex joy then move to colorado.
Ughhh I can't remember the last time "time fell back or springed forward" and I wasn't at the bar to argue about it :(
Safe to say we should stock up on nipple bandaids ladies
I apologize for using the phrase "monster cock hentai porn shit" to describe that guy I picked up last week.
He said it only counts if it ends up on the internet
We ran out of toilet paper so Ive been using coffee filters
Eaten today: granola bar, pumpkin donut, and fritos. Oh, college nutrition.
this is a mass text: the cage has been opened. repeat, the cage has been opened. a search party will be organized. you are all sloppy bitches. that is all.
I have had my dick inside of entirely too many people at this wedding in order for me to be the groom. Please give me a swift kick in the dick to wake me up from this nightmare
He was gone when I woke up. But he left skid marks on my sheets and our unopened bottle of Titos is missing
New Rule: No more sleepovers with guys we met on Reddit
Randomize
