She seriously needs to find another hobby other than bouncing on cock.
Apparently oprah and I were in competition to see who's ass could get bigger this summer
what about "I will fuck you for a jamba juice" do you not understand?
The sun is out and the snow is finally starting to melt here... Vodka bottles keep popping up everywhere. Guess it's the college version of burying nuts for the winter
I'm sorry. I think I have multiple personalities. Or it was the acid. Either way. I'm sorry.
Just looked in the mirror and i look like ive been gang banged. Im so proud of my boyfriend it almost hurts
I just heard "I just let you finger me on Megabus, I clearly don't have standards".
Omg 230 lb butch lesbian with a mustache grabbed my dick. I need an adult
Finally buying a camera. Missed out on recording a 3way last night. Hindsight. Ugh.
She rode an inflatable shark down the stairs. Viva shark week.
The word cocktail makes me want to rip my liver out and nail it to a cross.
He's been watching the World Cup too much because right before he came he screamed "NUT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!" for half a minute. Our landlord is not happy.
His dog ate the vibrator. The WHOLE vibrator. We spend the morning after trying to make it vomit up the battery. Why does this always happen to me?
She asked me to tell her the three words every girl wants to hear so I whispered "I play hockey" in her ear.
My vagina likes him more than I do, but I’m going to follow her lead and see what happens
Randomize
