Funny, my mom didn't get it when I said 'that's what she said' after she said 'it's so thick, it's impossible' in reference to my milkshake
Holy shit bill nye is being consulted as an expert on cnn and hes credited as the science guy. What the fuck is the world coming to?
I miss your penis. And I totally say this as a friend. I just miss it because it's great. You should be very proud of it.
At the wedding. Seated next to the bar. No way this ends well
Also, I just saw a woman change into her stripper outfit in the bathroom at Target.
She just had to change the song on the radio cause I was tap dancing on her windshield
When we were grinding I think your nuva ring fell into my shoe
The taxi driver was going on about how many drunk chicks want to sleep with him when he drives them home. Not sure if he was bragging or hinting
He is getting married. In the time it took for this conversation he probably cheated on her three times
He's easy on the eyes, light on his feet, and rough in bed...what more could a girl ask for in a rebound?
LOOK AT MY ASS AND LEGS IN THIS SKIRT. I KNOW ALL THE BEST HIDING SPOTS IN THIS BUILDING. AND I OFFER TEQUILA.
Walking into my bedroom & smelling stale sex & disappointment isn't how I envisioned being 39, in case you were wondering.
What the hell happened to the sandwich meat I just bought?
After you smoked, you made 8 ham sandwiches.
Guess that explains the mysterious disappearance of the bread...
Do you think it's illegal to drive without your pants on?
You don't understand. This boy has the Mona Lisa of cocks.
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