Im too awkward for one night stands. I need to hire someone to come clear them out of my bed before I wake up.
officially spring now- first drug bust of the season across the street.
Are you seriously trying to guilt me into sending you naked pictures by saying "So I can look at them during dialysis" ?
Is it working?
I never thought the first time a taser would be used on me would be at an applebees
Dave used his AAA card to get my car towed to my house so I could get drunk. Evil genius.
You woke up, laughed, proceeded to throw up on me and then passed out again.
I'm sitting in front of a fan naked drinking Gatorade. Motherfucking hangover probs
You know I'm having a rough day when I'm curled up in the corner eating Spaghettios.
Just woke up. Will be over soon. DON'T LEAVE THE CHAMPAGNE UNSUPERVISED.
I know you're having some issues right now but can we focus on the gangbang?
Honestly after an incomprehensible political rant yoga seems like the best option at 2 am
Don't come up here. Strippers r crying.
Let's make a rule now, to not smoke weed out of our trumpets. After tonight.
With each thrust he'd whisper "like a ninja." Should I be flattered or appalled?
The economy isn’t reopen until I can get drunk and motorboat fake tits at lunch on a Wednesday
Randomize
