I'm trapped in whichever ring of hell is populated by inbred yokels and type 2 diabetes.
Good thing I was dressed to impress in my "I went nuclear on my wings" shirt even the girls are making out and I'm still 7th wheeling it...
he was fingering me, then looked down and said "i like your socks"
I'm drunk at McDonald's in a fairy costume at 10 am nearly two weeks after Halloween. I don't think the Ohio State fans get it.
She told me my pubes were as soft as "fine wool"
So after this weekend I think I'm gonna go down on one knee and propose to my boyfriend that he give me his liver.
4 girls from the bar, me, strip basketball. here. NOW
I bought an american flag today and by god im gonna fuck someone on it
I would rather get explosive diarrhea at the aquarium than go home alone tonight
If he thinks that that is an acceptable way to ask me out he is out his goddamn ginger mindddddd.
You have ruined sex with him for me. Now all I think is "boy scout" and I want to go home
Got cut off last night cuz this chick had her hands down my shorts and was blatantly playing with my dick while I was trying to order. apparently that's "frowned upon"
I haven't had to masterbate since I started dating him over a year ago. I don't even know if I remember how and my vagina is calling.
I'm not snubbing your weed I just had a really important rack of ribs to get home to
Low key that was incredibly dangerous to let me wield a sword at this point in the night
Randomize
