I just saw a hobo shake a payphone until it spat out a bunch of quarters. what a champ.
then i got kicked out of the bar for trying to pay my $30 bar tab in sacajawea dollar coins
in the morning i found her name, number and address on one of the empty pizza boxes. also said "ps. if you find my shoes please mail to me."
they arrested me when i was peaking, i'm pretty sure they were specifically looking for me but i was too busy rolling around, loving the grass to notice the police car..
I had to ask him for the scissors while I was in the shower. My hood piercing was stuck in my loofah.
Ok seriously I'm living off of bologna but I have 4 handles in the freezer.
Second day of summer classes and i already got this girl to send me nudes during class
that is WHY your in summer classes
worth it
Welcome to texting with Mike. You're now leaving the sober section and headed to our insanely high bad decision making portion of mike. Enjoy the trip.
Who the hell poured a whole pouch of Capri Sun down my throat last night?
He drank his beer out of his own shoe. Its his "party trick"
you said you would race him to taco bell but you slipped in the parking lot and just laid there, crying
definitely just forgot to put car in park in front of a police officer and ran into a bush.
the bar didnt serve shots so jim ordered us jaeger neat. it worked.
I think I'm actually too depressed to do drugs, wow.
Dude why is my bed and bedding wrapped in bubble wrap?
Cuz u wanted to insure u had a safe sleep
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