she just made a shot glass out of magazine paper. I love her.
i used the pictures of vaginas in your biology book to jack off.
brittany murphy hurts far more than michael jackson, patrick swayze, etc because i never masturbated to any of those other people
my phone calendar just alerted me that it's "weed time" in 15 minutes. do not remember setting that alert last night...
My dad just told the waiter to keep the pitchers coming until someone passes out.
I would totes be making out with random people in the name of america if I was at the white house right now
"The juvenile turned and faced the officer, unzipped his pants, placed a fresh cigarette in between his legs and preceded to light it with a match"
I'm really good at handling things like foreskin and speech impediments.
She took one look at my hardon and said, "You have a dick built for anal."
That wasn't a compliment.
haha it's ok, I asked people. I was like "I'm high and lost" and the dude just said "That's my life. Love it."
If he refers to me as slump buster one more fucking time.
I put the area codes from ludacris' "area codes" into our expensive data visualization software at work, it's been a productive day
I'm just going to assume my unresponsive booty calls are just preparing for the women's march tomorrow
Remember I am not doing blow tonight. I REPEATE NO COCAINE unless I do it with your mom
The highlight of my week is I found some hetero porn I didn't completely hate. Branching out.
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