Question: If I woke up with one eyebrow mysteriously missing, do I shave the other one to match?
I have no memory of puking on someone. Was he cute?
i'll never see her again. i cant remember her last name. this is like cinderella except prince charming drank too much jameson and couldnt save a phone number properly
I know we had a good night last night because his turtle was half asleep chewing on the used condom.
Caught my drug dealer jacking off. I think this is a new step in our relationship
He's tryingto open a beer with a Police baton. Cut him off or see where this leads?
remember our old mantra: why can't life be as easy as we are?
She hash-tagged my name. I think it's safe to say that she remembers our hookup.
Is it weird that I noticed my lower half feels strange and then further realized it's bc I'm wearing underwear to bed for the first time in weeks..maybe months?
Yeah! Don't let me leave the house without marijuana and a juicer.
Leave it to me to sleep w a guy who gets poison ivy on his dick
In the last 2 hours I managed to have romantic starlit sex on the beach as the tide came in with not only just a gorgeous man, but one who happens to be Eastern European and finishing Harvard law school.
Oh wow. I want to be you right now.
My feet surprised me
Been smoking since 4. The inevitable finally happened: I bought a cheesecake.
You know you're drunk when you have to be picked up out of a bathtub.
Randomize
