i made two phi delts show me their dicks in less than 30 words! Take that twitter!
I think I found an E pill under the couch.. Or really bad tasting candy. Check back in 30min this could get exciting
Turned out the thing on the lampshade was a bloodstain, not a bedbug. We feel much safer now.
im standing in line right now while the 711 manager calls other locations to see if they have the john cena collectors slurpee cup in stock...yep i need to get laid
What's that word that means bigger and smaller and bigger and smaller, again?
Goddamn it, Jaime, it's 4am. Throbbing. The word is throbbing.
if i ever get hit by a car or something and become paralyzed promise me youll still be here to hand feed me shots and light my bowls please
I would not be watching the debate if there wasn't drinking involved. Let's be honest.
I cannot believe this. A potential 2016 Olympiad wants my vag. To which I respond "GO FOR THE GOLD"
you have to be that girl in the audience holding up the sign that says i fucked the shit out of you
No joke, I just found $85 on the ground. Must be because I bought you all that liquor. So much good karma.
"Just cut me in half. Then take half of me home. And leave the other half here. Cuz I can't see."
The fact that he offered to stop once he stuck it in my ass was sadly the most considerate thing anybody's ever done for me.
He pretended his dick was a samurai sword and that he was slaying me with it is it bad I still wanted him to fuck me
the guy next to you kind of looks like a penguin. i'm going to fuck him
Dude she literally licked him. He was covered in cheese and in her high state what else was she gonna do?
He ate me out in the passenger seat of his Range Rover in a Tim Hortons parking lot. I could hear “oh canada” on the radio from a nearby school as I came. Most patriotic orgasm ever!
Randomize
