They have glow in the dark condoms. That's so scary.
Something like a penis light saber.
my grand plan for the evening is to do shots of vodka til i cant anymore
In a bar in glasgow talking to a 12 year old about life. Welcome to Kentucky.
looks like were buying each other an abortion for our one year present...
i was just singing like a virgin out loud my mom told me to stop kidding myself
So Easter dinner for me was at 4:40 this morning where i made Bagel Bites and had a glass of Chardonnay
It honestly wasnt my fault this time. i was in shock. WHO THE FUCK OWNS A PEACOCK?!
No room in fridge, chilling wine in snow. Do NOT let the dog pee on it.
You'd be proud of me. They tried to give me bread to sober up, but I told them no, im on a diet.
You didn't hold all these dicks to become a party planner!
So nowhere in the dress code does it forbid me from showing up to City Hall in a gorilla suit to meet the mayor.
Did I run away from you last night?
Yeah it was a great moment for our friendship
My phone has started autocorrecting "monogamy" to "monogamish"
Wait is this place where the strippers are missing teeth and I think one is missing a thumb? Though I don't know how she would maneuver on the pole without a thumb. Pls advise.
oh, he’s out of jail btw. as of about 6pm. one of his customers bonded him out apparently lol
Like he really got a coke fiend to bond him out?
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