So we made editble underwear with fruit roll ups and fruit by the foot
You better drive. If I decide to let them talk me into a 3-way, I don't want you to be stranded.
her boyfriend dumped her for my exgirlfriend. so filming our hookup is pretty much a definite.
He broke into my apartment to check his Facebook again, the beer is all gone, and there's a new high score on pac man.
I mostly enjoyed dancing with him because his boner was scratching my bug bites.
Please tell me your aunt didn't see the Brita pitcher full of condom wrappers. We had at least 100.
I guess I realized I had a problem when I ordered 4 shots and told the bar wench to pour them all into 1 glass
Just cleaned someone else's sperm off of my bedroom wall. Never throwing a house party again.
I was dancing with a blow torch in one hand and a bowl of weed in the other
i thought you were just a really comfy body pillow until i sobered up. oops.
I got so many dick pics last night. It was like a slideshow from heaven.
but real talk, he made 1 phone call last night and had someone bring us tacos at 3am so idk I might be inlove
I can't find my keys and there's a hotdog in my purse.
we're forecasting high levels of inebriation into the evening with dropping temperatures late at night
Omg i got really stoned and used a makeup app on my grandma...well, I’m definitely not adopted
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