dude, that chick is coming to see me and stay for 2 nights. I'm hitting the 3rd in the trifecta of friends.
You're one hell of a depraved bastard dude, I'm borderline speechless. You officially win.
They all have matching tattoos so they're all official bffs. I love my life.
They're watching TV in bed. The Golden Girls to be exact. Aaaand I just heard them singing along with the theme song. I love living with gays.
I just watched a guy pee from a second floor window onto the line of 100 people waiting to get in.
i just complicated the hell out of my summer by fucking him this early on
Well... When your girlfriend fucks your sister, the 2 week courtesy window goes out the door.
Pretty sure my body is in shock, I shouldn't feel this ok after last nite.
new costume idea. paint swatches and a ball gag... I'll be 50 shades of grey.
Dear lord though. So much glitter. It's just a big gay explosion and all of my whore muscles hurt.
Just letting everyone know that I am still alive after last night. On a related note, this is the 15th "I'm not dead!" mass text I've sent. You've got to celebrate the little things.
We got drunk and crashed a fifty year old woman's birthday party for the food. Whoops.
You called it motorboating but you just snot rocketed into my tits.
I'm the girl holding the bag of goldfish
just called AAA to get my keys out of me car and then afterwards realized they were in my pocket...stoner life
so on a scale from morning glass of wine to that time i burnt the garage down how drunk were you last night
About 'lets tie a boat to a truck and ride it down the freeway'
i feel like you should know pants are always optional
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