So apparently when I roll on X I find 'dick ina box' not only hilarious but also sexually arousing.
This unplanned pregnancy thing is really taking all the fun out of football season.
shut up. I wear heels bigger than your dick
I am moving slowly w him. I havent even masturbated to him yet.
He made me hold his dick and say "I solemnly swear that I'm up to no good"
I just found out that I slept with Kate Gosselin's publicist back in June . Brb I have to wash myself endlessly.
being sober in physics class makes me realize the regularity with which i show up to it still drunk
I've never seen a dude bust out of his jacket and rock an air banjo like u
Have fun in Vegas! Be safe, use condoms, and take a pic of Jon beforehand to give out when he goes missing. It will help the police.
She was about to leave with you until you started singing "You Hoes Ain't Loyal" in her face
No fair. I need a fuck buddy to entertain me till the power comes back on
But did u die
I found an onion in my purse
I'm glad we smoked together,that was probs the biggest sibling bonding we will ever have.
Coffee and girl scout cookies. Breakfast of champions.
Get fucked.
You’re better off without him. Actually, he’s better off without you and that’s what really matters
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