We are surrounded by old people. Heavens waiting room for sure.
the level of his annoyance + every insult he makes = the closer I am to telling him im fucking his ex
ill find time for any girl whos not afraid to grab my junk in front of 100 people
it's like, God thought about making her pretty then changed his mind at the last second
Soooo, if his status went from married to single and he deleted all the pictures of his kids does that mean he's up for dibbs?
Just found a picture of a hobo making out with her tits...a HOBO
I couldn't function. I was to the point where I was using a bottle cap as a monocle.
ALTON JUST DID GRAVY SHOTS. THIS IS WHY HE'S MY HERO
Yeah I figured you were blackout when you were Shakira dancing on the floor.
Bar selfie Saturday turned into bar nudie Saturday in a hurry. I need to delete my snapchat...
I was drunk while I accepted my job offer. Here's to growing up.
Why am I not blowing coke off your ass at my apartment?
If I had a vagina, my apartment would have been the Atlantic
I'll have a whole suitcase of emergency bacon with me obviously
I’ve basically been controlling him with my tits for months now, so I can’t even imagine what would happen if I start banging him
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