I had sex with him, and then he gave me a $5 Starbucks gift card. Totally worth it
The google font looked peculiar last night, but then up close I realized it was just dry vomit.
I thought he was kidding when he said pretend to be a dunkin donut delivery women. This is the last time I ever role play.
I tried telling you she just blew me in the bathroom but you were too busy making out with her to listen
Sad news: I might have to institute a "once-per-day" policy on getting trashed downtown. Sorry, reputation.
I have three paper towels stuck up my vagina. This is not a time to be calm.
i had to take off my light up shamrock necklaces, my professor was getting suspicious.
Nothing says walk of shame like leather pants in daylight
You thought your socks were broken. They were just inside out.
I just heard a 350 lb guy with a stutter describe getting blood in his eye as he was shanking his cellmate and, more generally, how to survive as a white guy in jail.\n\nYou should really consider going to some AA meetings
We fucked so hard that when I orgasmed I tore his towel rack off the wall. He was more impressed than mad.
So we stayed at his mom's and all got drunk and he and I hooked up in his old bedroom. Then his drunk mom came in and tackled us when we were still naked. Why does this keep happening to me?
He told me I smelled like peanut butter, pepperoni, and pure unbrieldled passion.
now acid just makes me think of crab ragoon
The tequila monkeys have a drum solo in my skull right now. I can't imagine Emily feels better.
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