Gte hit a new low, I took a poopnap, passed out mid poop on the toilet.
I swear that when I have my own bathroom, I'm gonna lock myself in there and masterbate for at least 3 days in sheer appreciation of it.
I've decided, even as much fun as it sounds, I don't care for his sodomy box.
It's kind of hard to say bye to you when you fall asleep on the bar..
Idk yet. Trying to convince him to get a phoenix bird tattoo first
Just found a bottle of tequila in the washer.
I apparently started to text you last night. All it said was 'the whole clam'. I hope that means something to you.
My day went from bad to worse when I realized I puked out my second floor window last night.
You were so stoked after landing that flip that you dropped acid with three random guys without hesitation
I do feel like I owe you an apology for trying to fuck your dad last night but in my defense everyone knows I shouldn't drink tequila.
I have an aggressive hickey on my shoulder and it actually hurts.
Dear sober self, your keys are on the table in front of you the only way your typing this is with autocorrect goodnight love you
Well that's very sweet of you. I have a strange feeling you're going to regret this when you sober up.
NO REGRETS FUCK DA POLICE
Oh god I just had an orgasim riding my bike. I need to get laid pronto.
If it's any consolation she turned out to be has a collection of clown dolls she talks to crazy. And the cops knew why I was calling when she key locked the door from inside.
Randomize
