Is it weird I want to fuck the cartoon chick from e-surance??
She went into the basement and sang to my cat for three hours....she actually has a beautiful voice....
Worst night here by far. And ive slipped in my own piss so thats saying something
No she stopped screaming. Now she's eating popcorn. Off a plate. With a spoon.
planned ethnic drinking holidays while bored at work thru next may. I don't suppose you have any scots or russian in you?
Dude. 21 days till I'm 21. It's the 21 day countdown. The 25 days of Christmas can suck my dick.
The cab driver gave me a church card yesterday and said I should reconnect with god.
Then he gave me 2 tickets to a movie he's going to be in
Apparently fireball doesn't mix well with my no carb diet
My entire news feed is ice bucket challenges. I wish there was a hide from feed button like FarmVille
Hmm, peanut butter and Xanax. Next Ben and Jerry's flavor.
I gave his daughter swim lessons and in exchange he sold me an ounce. I feel so accomplished.
I no longer need a flask. I need a canteen.
Do not ever look at a picture of an erect ostrich penis. You will regret it.
I feel like hooking up with you on my floor, sneaking out my window and jumping a fence is an effort that deserves a happy birthday.
Who the fuck puts glitter on their vagina? It’s all over my face and crotch.
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