just won the tropical speedo for $11. i didn't know they sold pussy magnets that cheap
Fyi mom and I voted and you're the DD tonight, congratulations
If i come home from court on friday.. i'm definitely doing something illegal.
So even though we broke up apparently according to my voice mail you still like me, with smurfs while riding on a boat.
Duuuude. Everything is so brilliant right now. This frosting is freaking orgasmic.
It's vanilla, man. Accept no substitutes. There are so many t's in that word.
after last halloween when i met that 26yr old guy from russia who was hot until we madeout and he became obsessed with touching my forehead after the ecstasy he did and then tried to sell me pills from an m&m mini container, i think im staying away from parties downtown
BoomCity!!!
You don't have to text me that every time you have sex. I already heard you ring the gong.
She's in the bathroom. Literally just told me she could make a guy cum using just her words. Not bad for Sunday brunch.
I messaged him asking for his address. He replied with the address then said, "If you're gonna stalk me, I'm the third window on the side and usually get naked around 8am and anytime randomly after 6pm (listen for music).. If you're sending anthrax, I'm 6'2" 225lbs so send a good amount."
I think I might get 604 tattooed on my ass tonight...
I woke up with gum stuck to my nipple piercings this morning.. So there's that.
I was trying to drink every time they said planned parenthood but my body isn't cut out for this.
Im playing a game I have to take a drink every time my gram asks me the same question hammered by 4 guaranteed...
i'm extremely hungover on the ski bus and the driver is playing abba. this. is. not. okay.
PSA. Do not shart while wearing a jock strap at work. That is all.
Randomize
