After last night, I could never be a politician.
I'm going to shit on something weird... I can't wait
sometimes i think i'm bisexual but then i realize the only girl i'm attracted to is myself.
"The juvenile turned and faced the officer, unzipped his pants, placed a fresh cigarette in between his legs and preceded to light it with a match"
i'll booty call him tonight after the radiohead concert, that way he can see his favorite band and his favorite vagina all in one night.
Oh fuck. There is like a human shit on the sidewalk. I hate this place.
I'll always remember you bringing me that pregnancy test in the middle of an ice storm. Best friend ever.
My aunt comes over, haven't seen her in 4 years. First thing, looks me up and down and goes "...yup, that pair ripened nicely. Theyll get you some free drinks"
I think you were raised by the wrong sister
Well I just found the most comfortable way to pass out on my toilet if I ever have to.
Its a good thing to know for upcoming events.
Fuck you, I'm yelling at a mountain right now
So I just noticed that my last drunk google search before going to bed last night was "ghosts based on gays." I have no idea what that's supposed to mean
When you leave ur sleepover boy on ur front porch waiting for a cab bc work
I can guarantee he will smoke me out and I won't feel bad about it because he gets to touch my butt.
Caitlin, you were laying in your bed feeding your dog ritz chips and singing a whole new world at 4am loud enough your neighbors came over an asked you to stop.
I love my life
Sorry my phone died. Obviously four o'clock in the morning is a good time to tell you this.
Randomize
