she says her boyfriend and her dignity are both out of town tonight
Okay I'm all about any plan that ends with "We're gonna get you drunk."
no i brought the cat to the bar. I got a weird look when I walked in but now everyone loves her.
I found a horn on the street but it's okay I disinfected it with vodka
Well, love is in the air. And by that I mean: it seriously smells like sex in here.
i would have thought, that you two being my best friends, one of you would have atleast tried to catch me before i hit the ground after blacking out.
I knew it was on when he was dancing on stage and I gave him a dollar so in return he ripped my tit out of my shirt and started sucking on it IN THE MIDDLE OF THE BAR.
I would say I'm the man in the relationship but I'm cuddled on the couch eating cake mix and water.
Dude. Her vagina is a blender.
Can you imagine how doomed are children are? I mean for one they have our genetics and then we will ruin them as parents. It will be the most magical adventure. Let's not start soon, too many adventures at hand that involve immense amounts of alcohol.
i cant believe im seriously wearing his ex girlfriends underwear right now
You gotta own your makeout pics Matt. They're like badges of honor
I JUST AGREED TO GO TO A CHILD'S BIRTHDAY PARTY AT A PLACE CALLED PUZZLE'S FUN DOME WHY DO I HATE MYSELF
Blueberry probiotics greatly increase to the masturbation experience. Try it dude. It’s all the rage
I'm pretty sure I smell like alcoholism and shame. And it's not a pretty scent.
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