so was this before or after i puked down the ice luge?
Woke up on the floor with my glow stick in one hand & dollar bills in the other. Good. Morning.
We had a long talk in which he told me he respects me more than any other girl. 30 minutes later, I got a facial.
he laminated a picture of his dick.
Not only was there cake on the wall but someone shoved cake and meat in a cup and put it in the fridge.
We simultaneously blacked out then simultaneously came to then simultaneously had sex with the neighbors. We're definitely meant to be roommates.
Be careful. Don't drive if your body turns into a caterpillar again.
The bartender said he wanted to turn you gay, and we got free shots the rest of the night
in other news i'm homewrecking via instagram
Don't I can pass these orgasm blushes off as sunburn for much longer...
Have you ever felt like autocorrect is judging you with its suggested words? Like how it won't suggest certain words until you type in pretty much the entire word, is it just thinking 'No way did this dude use "consent laws" in the same sentence as "17th?" Or is that just me.
Hey did you take a shower last night at like 4am?
"ummm...." (Thinking in my head) wet towel, soaking wet hair, clean pjs on backwards... "that would make more sense then what I thought happened..."
Omg I just woke up in his bed.. I'm fully clothed and he is naked. I'm so confused.
Long story short I shit on a sidewalk while walking with multiple people. Then sprinted around the streets of Tallahassee in only gym shorts as I tore my toga off and wore it as a cape.
If only he'd realize the fondness I have for his genitals.
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