i've met an abundance of virgins and guys who where flip flops, i thinks there's a correlation
You think they'd ask my permission before turning Pajamarama into an orgy. I saw too many of my friends dicks at once the door got kicked down.
Make sure your heart doesn't explode. These are words of wisdom.
Hey do you know who I showed my dick to at the bar last night?
I'm gonna let my dick speak for itself from now on. Seriously, it's always recruiting for me even after 6 hours of drinking.
I'll answer your question with a question: Are you gonna be too high?
The waitress asked if you wanted white or brown, and you said "Isn't it all the same color when it's toasted?". She stared at you for about 20 seconds before she decided that you weren't fucking with her.
Tell them to carpool to pride, have a 3way, and if one says 'no thanks' just tell em it's not gay if it happened in a 3way!
Your anal douche was on bathroom counter. Now it's in dumpster. Not ok. I am mad. Very mad.
SHE'S PREGNANT AS SHIT, AND I JUSR PEELED A CLEMENTINE TO CHASE SHOTS WITH!! COULD LIFE GET ANY BETTER!?
I spilled a whole plate of queso and salsa on my bed so I'm just eating it off my sheets with chips. How's your night going?
The awkward moment your booty call shows up to the Mexican restaurant and realizes you just picked burritos over pussy
Also, what day were you thinkin we should trip balls at the children's museum?
I'm so festive that I used my jack o lantern bucket as a just in case barf bin
I JUST SNEEZED WITH A MOUTHFUL OF CHEWED UP CASHEWS AND THEY CAME OUT MY NOSE AND IT HURT AND NOW I HAVE A LITTLE NOSEBLEED
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