Come here. I'm drunk. Family Function. Intense Pro-life vs. Pro-choice debate. Bring Republicans.
So she said grabbing my cock was like holding a giant crayola from pre-school.
that was the beginning of the end.
He just refered to Steak and Shake as "a good place for couples". I will definitely not be shacking tonight.
Woke up un the hot tuv. Climbed out fo the hot tub and fell asleeo. Woke ip again in the hot tub.
he told me i could have the honorable privilege of being the second girl to have sex with him in his new apartment, what a gentleman.
THERE ARE SO MANY ALCOHOLS IN MY BLOOD RIGHT NOW
He said the first movie he ever jerked off to was Titanic because he knew "they were totally doing it in that car."
is it acceptable to cross the border for sex?
Rumor has it that you want to bring me soup in exchange for a blow job.
You started pulling out condoms from your fanny pack and threw them at all the couples on the beach
God bless the petty bitch who invented screen shot
That portable toilet under the bed? Turns out it was a tuba. Explains alot.
I just convinced a telemarketer I live in a tree.
What did he say?
He still asked if I want a home security system.
I should have known when she mixed malibu and V8. It smelled just like tanning oil and when she drank it she said "Oh well, not the first time."
Wow first he impregnates you then he won't send you the sex tape you made together? Where has chivalry gone?
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