you came in and threw goldfish on our blue carpet and screamed SWIM BITCHES and then made me drink a best friends potion with you
Graduating is kinda bittersweet. Now I'm gonna have to find another excuse to day-drink and sleep until 3pm besides "I'm in college."
Pissing in la rieve gfox. Jer zsyuis diu drunk but it felt amazunbg
Dans le librearie ivetre. Hjhaha
i wish i had a super power and that that super power was shooting out mdma from my fingertips or something
Well that's the second time I've broken a lamp during sex this month. Starting to worry I'm some kind of X-man. (this one was a wall sconce and I fully smashed it with my head and it crumbled like it was made of sugar)
I found a picture of me as a little kid with nothing on except a towel covering one of my nipples and I'm glaring at the camera. Literally nothing has changed except I have boobs now
dude ur drinkin a beer not ta capri sun. lose the straw
Sorry. My phone died in the middle of you explaining why we would never work as a couple. Whatever you were gonna say, I probably agree.
I hope dressing like a sexy, but very grown up and intelligent, secretary while out shopping helps disguise how high I am right now.
Like actually I will be single and sad and lonely for ever. Cheese will be my life partner. Robot sex is my future.
Sooooooo, maybe just fucked on a motorcycle.
How do you nicely stand up a date that you're skipping for a 3sum
I wish I could send you one of those donuts I had. Like teleport it to you. Because it would change your life
I mean metaphorically. Literally zombies have yet to invade. Let's be rational here.
Go shave, and then go fuck the man
YOU ARE SO CRUDE, I LOVE YOU
Randomize
