Reasons why i shouldn't be drunk and upset: i'm going to a boy's
Just got a blowjob to the theme of Bohemian Rhapsody as the sun was rising. I should just kill myself because ill never top this moment.
I wish the holidays was like a drive thru. Get in. Get your presents. Get out.
Call me pathetic, but saying "tits for ireland" is working out really well on chatroulette today.
she was using bread to soak up the vodka off the floor then proceeded to eat it.
How many layers of skin can you loose before it becomes bad?
yeah, i found the sharpie that everyone use to sign my tits last night. its dead.
I wish I could like. Pull my liver out, and put it in the corner of a boxing ring, put a towel and ice on it, rub it's shoulders, and tell it to "get back in there, you got this!".
Judge me...This apron fits PERFECTLY when I have no clothes on
Who said I was judging? More like congratulating.
woke up to see a man wearing a sailor hat and covered in vomit sneaking out the door. Epic night indeed.
I take your giggles as a yes to operation McLaxitives?
I mean I puked all over three separate towns last night and I still think you're the one who should reevaluate their life.
I fell into the fireplace. That is a pretty good sign to stop drinking fireball
She is carving a little coffin out of some wood for her hamster that died. I'm flying home tonight.
So I woke and tried to get up. Then I realised my foot was stuck in the pocket of the pool table.
Randomize
