Drunken candy land NOW. Dont fight the urge... you want to.
I just watched the quarterback of Purdue get shut down by a girl at a bar. not a good omen
Gave out candy dressed as a porn star...bet you can guess how the mothers kept reacting.
I may or may not have traded sexual favors for Disney on Ice tickets.
Just slept with a female bodybuilder. not cute. but it was like fucking hulk hogan with a twat. Beastly.
im so disgusted with myself. funny thing was i lasted 15 seconds. she benches 325
No, I did not fuck him for football tickets. I fucked him for tickets to the superbowl. I'm not that much of a slut.
Didn't want you to think it had been open season on my vagina since we broke up.
Well anyways I still cant believe I don't remember such a monumental day in history as you showing me your boobs... Jesus
Thanks for the Beyonce article. In other news, I just passed a man with the state of Florida tattooed on his face.
I saw a spider on my bed and my first reaction was to throw my weed bag to safety
This weekend was amazing, 4 confirmed pukings, 2 cops, 3 hookers, one photographed t-bagging of the groom, and a night in an illegal gambling house.
Tell him that his phone is taped to the dog's stomach. Stop trying to call it because it makes him scared.
You rolled over grabbed my crotch and said "that's my waffle." I'm sleeping on the couch next time.
i found a picture from last night of you sat on the floor naked, covered in butter and crying. care to explain?
I was hoping you could tell me..
He sounds like Chris Tucker and wants to eat me out when I’m on my period. If that isn’t love I don’t know what is.
Randomize
