i'm sick of taking my pants off and seeing a look of disappointment on the girls face. i want her to be frigthened
His mom made me a necklace that i am supposed to wear to prom. She included a note with it, which had a star trek quote. What have I gotten myself into?
Sucks about the cops last night
to be honest when I first looked up I wanted to know who was coming from a costume party..
They have a guy from new zealand living under their stairs.. they don't charge him rent. He just buys food and booze and bartends their house parties.
I'm wearing boardshorts as underwear to work. This is bachelorhood
You were pretty dunk by the time you introduced the vase as your best friend.
I'm sitting in the corner at the bar with a poolstick in case a brawl breaks out. Some crazy shit is going down and I'm trying to show my feathers like a horny peacock.
Also, we accidentally donated a bong to goodwill
This is like the time you took a picture of your knees and told him it was your tits, isn't it?
You ass. You're not the one who bought me flowers, so obviously you will not be the recipient of the blow job of gratitude.
i was so high i thought the horse on my poster was running
There is a 97.5% chance that my sketchy roommate is also a hooker.
So when can I meet her?
STAY IN YOUR APARTMENT. DONT GO TO SAFEWAY TO BUY CONDOMS. DONT GO TO THE VAN.
His name was toto. That should have been my red flag
This morning, I found 5 naked people in Steve's bed with post sex hair, and Steve fully clothed sleeping on the ground.
Randomize
