I just sat in the Taco Bell drive-thru waiting for a trash can to take my order. Yes, that high.
Fuck him tonight for the both of us. We're still tag-teaming in spirit.
Im in Ft Meyers right now looking right at an alligator. I have had a couple of beers and people are telling me not to feed him but Im gonna do it anyway.
I mean really it's like when you're super hungry and you can't decide what to eat, you just know you want food. This is that situation, but for my vagina
It was fun until the stripper told me it was her first day and started crying.
i feel we're the only people who'd use nyquil sexually
Some kid just stopped wherever he was walking, turned to me, and gave me a slow clap. So I'm pretty sure my walk of shame beats yours.
I'm getting "congrats on your engagement" shots. I need to get engaged more often!
I'm experimenting with sincerity
What happens if you die with an erection? Does it stay hard? Disclaimer: I'm high.
Did you really eat 10 ice cream cones today?
It was tough but I powered through it.
I like to be the stable force in your otherwise chaotic existence.
Listen, some people have dreams, some people just want to cock slap a kangaroo
The usual, icing my vag with a chimichanga.
I’m not lawful evil! I do evil things because I want to, not because of the law
Randomize
