Let's play a little game called "Chill the Fuck Out" - you're our first contestant
He looked me in the chest and said "I think I was visited by the titty fairy last night"
I feel like if I were on Intervention, I would have to be a season finale.
you told me your penis was albino and it couldnt be exposed to light so you needed to keep it in me
the bank didn't screw up, i spent 150$ at mcdonalds last night
After what u did to that bathroom I think the $30 and the "sorry I'm a jackass" note was the thing to do.
My roommate made me go home after I mooed at fat girls at the gas station.
Cavemen vs astronauts. weapons to be determined. Who would win?
I just hit your bf in the face with a mustard bottle and the guy at the table next to us bowed down to me.
I'll admit it. It was a bad idea to sneak a fart out while she was taking a nap. Can you bring me a pair of underwear from my dresser. Preferably the one with the walruses in party hats one.
Can you send me the pic of me puking with a quesadilla on my shoulder
My cat licked the coke mirror and now is giving me dirty looks. Bet money she has the drip.
I just fell and sprained my ankle in the shower. No, I wasn't having sex. I was doing the time warp. Again.
Every time I download Tinder again, I hate myself a little more.
I just texted him from the other room to come have sex with me-stress relieved
You are such a millennial
Randomize
