Reminder- he's a douche bag. A big one.
Memo to the bitch sitting across from me at Swamp: no one thinks you're classy with your Louis Vuitton and your Burberry scarf when you're dragging on that cig like it was the last cock on earth and you needed cum for sustenance.
The guy drove to our house at 6am to sell us weed. Now that's customer service.
I seriously just caught my 15 year old little sister with a positive pregnancy test coming out of the bathroom. Honest to God.
I have a coat hanger and a baseball bat. Her choice.
She threw all the patio furniture in the pool saying she was building a castle.
Just helped a homeless man panhandle outside of Wawa, made him $6.31. Where are you?
Being drunk is way better. Seriously, I just licked your brother to make sure my spit was actually real.
PLEASE DON'T BE HEARTLESS COME AND GET ME FROM THE BAR I'M HIGH AS SHIT AND I LOST MY SHOES
Its alot like that time you got motorboated by the carni at the rodeo.
New drinking game: Drink while you Drink. I'll explain the rules when I see you, needless to say, it's not difficult. Unless you enjoy sobriety, humanity and life. Bestest.
He just walked in the house and decided to wake everyone up by yelling "I SHIT MYSELF!" We all thought he was joking....we were all wrong.
some dude just accurately guessed my height and bra size.. that is cup AND inches around. creepy, yet impressive
I did all i could do but i woke up smelling like cigars and theres salsa all over my face
It's 4am & this guy is asleep with his junk still inside me..really rethinking my life
I guess "hi, I know your mom, she taught me in high school" is an effective pickup line
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