I'm gonna get wrecked tn I might have to keep my phone at home cause I'm sure ill send you really weird txts
My mom can no longer prohibit me from smoking pot..I sell to her boyfriend.
Just saying. If you end up in canada tomorrow morning at least youll have my text to remind you how it happened
remind me in the morning to get the random kid out of the closet and to clean the pudding off the wall
Just to give you a heads up, I am going home with your ex-boyfriend.... You can't be mad because he was my ex-boyfriend first
Just got my cast off. My occupational therapist wants me to self-gratify. My clit is about to have an awesome weekend...
She was giving you that "I really want to blow you but I have to act professional" look. Guaranteed
why is there a fishing net hanging from my ceiling fan?
If your relationships aren't working out because she doesn't have a penis THEN maybe you should give dudes another go
Haha, apparently they frown upon male strippers there. Bouncers couldn't catch me tho.
My public calorie counter app is pretty much just a cry for help.
alll i remember is comming back downstairs, his pants were off and he was aplauding me
The best part of last night is not remembering half of it
Just realized that I indirectly pay for sex through my cable bill
Wow. He is an expensive lay
I still have to figure out the cost per lay. It could be a financially sound investment
We're getting a bucket of chicken and screwing around, so no, you can't join us.
Randomize
