I just stuffed five dollars in my near empty box of camels to remind myself to buy more. And my mom says I don't budget my money
so we have officially lost him as of 7 hours ago.. already called campus security, the drunk tank and the hospital. figure he'll turn up eventually..
i'll start checking the bushes on campus.
He just told me that when we were doing it I told him I was the captain and he was the boat. Im too embarassed to ask for money for a cab.
Dude your not gonna get by security covered in blood wearing only a robe
Don't worry I'm drunk they won't say anything
Instead of medicine they should just give ecstasy. Also I'm tingly and can't find u guys. A gay man just said he loved me... :( / :)
We're 17 hours into a 3 day weekend, and he's already shitfaced. He fell of the dock TWICE and insisted on wearing a life jacket on dry land.
GUESS WHO STILL HAS BOTH NIPPLES!
I don't know how Dave is alive, I feel like he's been drinking since I met him.
Glad I can drunkenly remember to not get tomatoes on my Mexican pizza but can't tell a guy to keep his hands off my ass
I left my panties in the microwave for too long and they caught on fire
WHAT HAS MY LIFE COME TO I'M MAKING A SCARF FOR A PENIS
We should probably start extreme couponing for the morning after pill.
his mom fetish really needs to stop. this is literally the 5th time i've come home from work and there's been some random skank and her kids in the living room.
did one of the kids use their poo like a crayon on the wall this time?
sorry i was ignoring you last night i accidentally did a bunch of pcp and thought i was inside tron
I think I left my bra and my crocs in your room
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