No, I was feeling sad because all of the other girls were like model-skinny. But then I remembered that I had big boobs and went to hit on their boyfriends.
A moment of silence for all our pussy whips bro's who had to endure the NEW MOON premier!
She talked about nothing but beanie babies for 45 minutes. I'm never getting high with her again.
I knew the only reason I bought a smartphone was to play "You're Havin My Baby" on the way to cvs to buy Plan B.
just found a piece of pizza in my dresser.....i remember you saying you were going to save one for later so i'm assuming this is your doing
I just noticed my teeth are no longer straight. Wondering if anyone had an explanation.
If you're wondering about the pepper everywhere its for the ants and it was my doings. They hate pepper. You're welcome.
I'm going to buy her a puppy, let her fall in love with it, then kill it in front of her. Does that answer how I feel about her?
We watched Jurassic Park and they made me drink every time they saw or named a dinosaur. Do you know how many dinosaurs live in Jurassic Park? Lots.
Wait... All I had to do was ask for a sandwich and you would have come over
I just remembered I did the whole byebyebye dance at the bar
I wish there was a morning after pill for dominoes.
Once he bit me I drew the fucking line.
While buying Plan B the lady at the counter looked at me and said hope you have a successful night as I walked away in shame
The cop was standing next to me when I texted "haha" to your phone...didn't realize that he had taken it already...
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