Great. Don't do shady things like that ok?
Did you see 7 ppl got hurt at Talladaga?
Did they get their mullets stuck in an engine?
she thought Martin Luther king was a president at one time. I love knowing I broke up with my ex and this is what he ends up dating.
I hope as the only other living being in this apartment you can explain to me why the toilet was full of cheerios this morning.
You left a trail of sequins from your dress incase we got lost
Judging by my dry clothes and wet sheets, I think I might have gotten out of bed, pissed ON it, covered it up, and passed out on top of it
DO NOT EAT ONE OF DONOVANS WEED RICE CRISPIES. I REPEAT DO NOT EAT IF YOU VALUE YOUR EYE BALLS
We stopped midfuck cuz a guy was walking his dog. Who the fuck walks their dog in the dorm parking structure at 3am!?
He won't leave and I need to take a shit and vomit, quite possibly at the same time.
She said she is going to be sex-slave version of Princess Leia for halloween. You think there is any way I could pull off an attractive Jabba suit?
You literally chaperoned my booty call.
I apologize for using the phrase "monster cock hentai porn shit" to describe that guy I picked up last week.
Whose panties are you wearing on your head and why are you sending me pics of it?
my very deepest apologies for the unintentional cock block.
Dude. I just got a visual of u climbing over a bathroom stall to save my life.
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