Took her home last night and it was like trying to put an oyster in a slot machine. I may have drank a little too much.
I'm praying to Jesus, Allah, Buddah,and the whole gang tonight that I'm not pregnant
I was hidding Easter eggs in CHURCH this morning when one of the older men came up to me and said "I always knew you'd be a bunny just not the Easter kind" ... Our congregation obviously has high hopes for their pastor's daighter
so i made out with some dude last night at the bar. and some girl just stood there and watched. i felt bad so i made out with her too. She looked like she felt left out.
well isn't that the pot calling the kettle a make out whore
These hangoverless Sunday mornings are becoming too regular.
His fridge was full of blocks of pepperjack cheese, and his pantry was stocked with huge jars of jellybeans. Even if I'd been drunk, I don't think I could've made that up.
No driving. The car is spinning. I am praying for mcdonalds.
Stumbled into class and into a desk. When I fell my bottle broke in my backpack. I had to leave there was vodka everywhere.
All I got from that conversation with the officer was "blah blah blah, you're disgusting, blah blah blah, $500 fine, blah blah blah, be in court Tuesday."
That basically sounds like the worst party of my life, and I'm including my brother's World of Warcraft themed birthday party.
But in fairness, I would totally have a robo-penis as long as it had full sensation.
I want to wait until after I get laid before I ask him his political affiliation. Just in case. I'm so desperate I would bang a Republican
This is like a walk of shame down memory lane.
It's official, I'm not staying in tonight
What caused that decision?
You only live once
Randomize
