is it wrong that I prefer my women with low self esteem and a smidgen of an eating disorder?
i think guys can sense when i'm not wearing underwear
What I thought it would be sexy pouring melted chocolate down here chest, ended up in second degree burns. Hot food and sex do not mix.
when i'm drunk i think im just gonna point at him and yell adultery is a sinnnn. youre going to helllll
we're on our way back. she tried to pants the waiter again.
I got a Luke Skywalker costume so I can go do battle with the homeless guy who plays the fiddle dressed as Darth Vader downtown.
We should live in a duplex and just hook up with randoms for the rest of forever and be animal hoarders.
You could breast feed yourself wine!! This shit is genius!
Remind me to switch to jello when you decide to do shots off my ass. It's so much easier to clean than this pudding.
Ahahhahaha I'm not that stupid but then again I thought cabo was in Africa until yesterday
Dude I just ripped my new jeans climbing out the window so his booty call wouldn't realize I was home. Being his roommate should come with hazard pay
The best part of last night was the women's softball game on the TV at the strip club
Oh god now he thinks I'm into him because I've been staring at him trying to figure out what animal he looked like
I decided not to look up the nudes, because I believe that there is a line, and that mocking my old classmate's horrid nudes alone crosses that line.
I saw an episode of cops that had one of my ex husbands on it.
Randomize
