Yeah I gave the girl a dirty look. And only a three dollar tip.
I'm not ok right now. I just walked in on a 600lb woman passed out on the toilet and she walked out and tried to eat her cell phone. I'm on acid I think.
How do guys with small dicks who cheat on their girlfriends get girlfriends!?!
Dude, she introduced me to her best friend form Russia and she was a 10. Her other Russian friend was even hotter. How did communism fail?
Hey man sorry, can't talk. I'm already taking risks by ripping the bong on this conference call.
It was at that moment that I realized I was alone. Alone and drunk on an Epcot ride.
Yes my plan is to drink the college out of me so i can be an adult by monday
Dating Detox Day 5: had to go out and buy new batteries. this may be harder than I thought
YOU ARE TAKING ADVANTAGE OF MY INEBRIATED STATE
YOU ARE DRUNK AND USED AND SPELLED THE WORD "INEBRIATED" CORRECTLY. I AM TAKING ADVANTAGE OF NOTHING.
I CAN'T HELP THAT I'M MULTITALENTED YA FUCKER
Please show REO speedwagon ur boobs for me.
He's beautiful. His facial hair makes me wanna cum in it
Ew, no. But yeah I feel the same
I'm just checking to make sure you don't want to go to the farmers market... This is an assumption based on the fact that you were slapped with a sandwich last night and you remained unconscious.
I didn't have cash to pay cover at the bar, so I traded the bouncer a Krispy Kreme doughnut i had in my purse
He meowed while sucking on my nipple, it got even weirder when he said he was trying to moo.
I will go to bed dreaming of sexy Olympians carting me on a throne to the beach where they feed me pizza and champaign and massage my head/wash it like the hair dresser does.
Randomize
