its easy. just sleep with a bunch of guys until one falls in love
She was doing lines off of her friends boobs in the limo at 9 oclock on a thursday This has the potential to be the best weekend ever
Used a cardboard box as a pillow and a towel as a blanket. Its like the great depression over here
Just had a random flashback of you tickling some guy's nipple with your claw ring, and then him moaning and stripping in the middle of the bar. You give good memories.
Drunk me spoon fed everyone baby food last night.
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
I actually want to work out for some reason... I think it's my brains way of telling me it doesn't like living in a fat body.
Its perfect, I supply the pot she makes the brownies. I love the culinary dept.
He told me to prepare for his "Jurassic cock" and I had to leave the room from laughing.
Also did I tell you guys about the time that I balled for like an hour at a frat and made them play wagon wheel and then cleaned their bathroom
Dude, you stalking his LINKEDIN profile will NOT affect your chances with him. We aren't 40...
I slept on her porch...in her dads handcuffs
I also tried to hide a bottle of vodka in a build a bear last night so that something that happened in my life
I need to stop adding people I want to bone on LinkedIn.
..... starting now
I'm eating animal crackers on my bed next to my vibrator writing about the hopelessness and depravity of humanity. I am LIVING.
Randomize
